In Spite of What I Don't Know

If you allow yourself to question one or two verses in the Bible that don't seem to be 'true' in light of your circumstances, odds are that you might start to question some more verses too.  And, in spite of yourself, you may eventually find yourself asking the really big question, 'Is the Bible really the Word of God?'  Yikes.

It just feels safer to never go there.  The world is a lot prettier if it either makes sense or you just don't question it.  A lot of Christians prefer to say 'we don't understand it all, but that's just how God designed it.' Well, what if you do start to question?  What if, in spite of what you've been taught, you start to wonder?  Does that make God mad?  Is He offended by that?

I've done more questioning and doubting in the past couple of years than in all the rest of my life combined.  And I feel more at ease with God than ever before as well.  I haven't been struck by lightening.  I haven't been cursed with the plague.  I think God might just really love me.  I think He likes it when I think and wrestle with hard questions.  I think He has encouraged me to use a big shovel to dig down past all the stuff I've been told to believe- to find a treasure chest filled with what He really is.  What is most true about Him has been buried in my heart underneath a whole lot of legalism and 'good ideas' and half-truths.  And I'm finding that what's most tangible to me is His love.  And what He most wants me to be about is His love.  And that what I most desire from Him is His love.

I haven't made peace with the Bible yet.  I'm not convinced that the earth is new.  I think it might be older.  I think that God may have created evolution as part of the cycles of this planet- but I don't know for sure.  I'm not sure that we've interpreted a good deal of the Bible correctly.  And if we haven't, then it's possible a whole heck of a lot of our doctrine is WRONG.  I don't know, but maybe we've judged people for their lifestyle choices based on wrong interpretations.  It's all a bit of a mess in my head right now.  I still read the Bible.  I still ask God about it.  I still want to know.  I'm just not sure I will.

Here's what I feel sure of- I don't have to know.  I probably won't know this side of heaven.  And if I can't be certain, than I surely shouldn't judge.  I am only convinced of God's love for me.  For you.  That's it. That's all I feel like I know.  And so, in light of that, I desperately want you to learn to love me as He does- without judgement.  And I desperately want to learn to love you as He does- without judgement.

What if, in spite of what we don't know, we let God show us what He wants us to hold to?  For me, right now, all I feel like I have to hold on to is His love and so- that is all I have to give.  I still have to shove the debris out of the way a lot.  I still get caught up in my old patterns of judging and thinking in black and white.  But I feel most at peace when I'm abiding in His love and giving it away.